C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
