Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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