I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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