he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
