You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
