i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
