I want to walk on stilts...naked
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
