Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
