I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
