remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize