if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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