Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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