I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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