If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it because I queefed?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
