i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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