Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
