When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
