I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
