He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
