Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
