The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
