I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
