No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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