I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
