we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
