so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
