He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize