I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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