so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
