Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I pour the whiskey from now on
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize