Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
