is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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