I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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