So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
BRING THE BAGELS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
