I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
