I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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