Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
