EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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