were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
