Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
