Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
