at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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