note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
