Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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