Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
