I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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