God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you would pick up someone in the library
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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