thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
