fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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