I am midnight drunk by noon
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
