She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
