Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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