I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
