Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
