:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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