I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
