Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
