I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
