in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
