If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
