i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
