I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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