how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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