Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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