so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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