i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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