worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
