If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
third nipple confirmed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
