Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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