you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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