4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
