You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
