Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
