ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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