At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
