i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
