I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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